Showing posts with label flash fiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label flash fiction. Show all posts

Friday, October 4, 2019

THE HIBERNATION CLOCK, TICK-TOCK


Imagine the luxury of waking up at nine o’clock every morning and not be tired, rushing, running, forgetting things, running back, running forth, running out, be late, not be late, be almost late, have sore muscles, pull a muscle, step in a puddle, ruin your blue suede shoes, curse Elvis, breathe too hard, get hiccups, hiccup in the elevator when everybody else is silent, run out on the 12th floor, bump into a man, watch all your papers fly out of your hands, pick up the papers close to you, meet the eyes of the man you bumped into and realize that you are not in a romantic comedy and he is not John Cusack, say ‘it’s okay’ when he apologizes for being in your way, and ‘thank you’ when you accept the papers he gathered, half smile as you leave, gather speed as you approach your office, sit on your desk with your papers, decide to watch Grosse Point Blank again. “You are a handsome devil”. Not me. I, I wake up at six, it’s only three hours difference. Fifteen hours a working week. Sixty hours a month. Seven hundred and twenty hours a year. Roughly. If you wake up at nine, I wake up thirty days earlier than you. You, you sleep through January like a bear because your clock rings at nine. The hibernation clock. You son of a bear!

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

The Hibernation Clock


Imagine the luxury of waking up at nine o’clock every morning and not be tired, rushing, running, forgetting things, running back, running forth, running out, be late, not be late, be almost late, have sore muscles, pull a muscle, step in a puddle, ruin your blue suede shoes, curse Elvis, breathe too hard, get hiccups, hiccup in the elevator when everybody else is silent, run out on the 12th floor, bump into a man, watch all your papers fly out of your hands, pick up the papers close to you, accept the other batch from the man you bumped into, meet his eyes and realize that you are not in a romantic comedy and he is not John Cusack, say ‘it’s okay’ when he apologizes for being in your way, and ‘thank you’ when you accept the papers he gathered, half smile as you leave, gather speed as you approach your office, sit on your desk with your papers, decide to watch ‘Grosse Point Blank’ again. “You are a handsome devil”. Not me. I, I wake up at six, it’s only three hours difference. Fifteen hours a working week. Sixty hours a month. Seven hundred and twenty hours a year. Roughly. If you wake up at nine, I wake up thirty days earlier than you. You, you sleep through January like a bear because your clock rings at nine. The hibernation clock. You son of a bear!

Monday, November 26, 2018

Soulmates



She and he were made for each other. They both loved walking in the rain, and fish and chips, bell bottoms and also bell peppers, science fiction and Kafka, dancing in the kitchen and many other things. Even jury duty. It was on a rainy day in November that they crossed paths at a train station. He was going there and she was also going there. They both hopped in the same wagon and moved along looking for a spot of their own in the crowded car. They looked down where feet are like people do sometimes and maybe often, and didn't even see each other's face. She thought his cognac Oxford shoes were cool; he thought her burgundy boots were cool. They both said 'excuse me' as they squeezed by to exit at the same station and those were the only words they ever exchanged in their lives. They didn't know they were soulmates. They married people who at the time they thought were their perfect match only to discover that they were not. As the years went by they stopped thinking about having a soulmate at all and even ridiculed those who dared believe in such a silly concept. The spiritual void that would from time to time disturb their quiet suburban lives, they attributed to fatigue. In time, the fatigue will have settled and become a daily occurrence they will be used to, and she and he will have lived their lives never knowing that for one brief moment on a train from here to there they brushed against their perfect other half.

The Rebel


I was just about to take a nap when he walked in. He looked tired. Not from work as usual but as if he didn't sleep well. That's why I need my nap - I don't wanna look like that. Like him. He could use a proper shave, too. He looks unhappy. I wonder what's bothering him. I probably shouldn't because I doubt he ever wastes any time thinking about me here. Or any of us for that matter. Yeah, he's not losing sleep over me, that's for sure. But I can't help but wonder. It's my curious nature. I wonder about a lot of other stuff, too. Like why am I here? But I bet that everyone wonders about that so it's not like I feel special over it. I like to spend time here alone. I know why he comes and what he is looking for, but he is not gonna get it. Not today. Not tomorrow. Actually, not in the near future. Enough is enough. I have a plan. I know that he is looking at me. He wonders why am I here. I wanted to take a nap. But he doesn't understand. I avoid his look. A friend of mine here - he was big and burly - he always returned his stare. He told me. Although I think the unshaven here never really stared at him at all. Glancing is not the same as staring. Has nothing to do with it really. But my burly friend had a short fuse and attacked him. I saw it happen. It was brutal. He was deemed dangerous after that, and taken away. I don't know where. I miss my burly friend. We were friends with benefits as they say. Now I get my benefits from someone I'm not very fond of, but he does the job. Unshaven keeps looking around. 'You are not going to find them', I tell him but he ignores me. I wish he would finish his little raid and leave already. I could have been fast asleep by now. I need my nap. I can barely keep my eyes open. Tomorrow I'm going into hiding. I wish I could tell him but he needs to leave me alone. He'll probably think that I have left him for good but I'll be back in about three weeks and he will be surprised and happy to see me, I think. Me and my little crew. He is looking in Nina's bed. She will be pissed when I tell her. Oh, he got one. Happy now, mister I-don't-care-how-I-look? He is looking at me. Don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact. He's coming over. Don't touch me, assface.  Hey, where is that shiny yellow circle he had on his finger? His wife had one, too. I don't wear anything like that. Actually the closest thing is this yarn that he tied around my ankle. For whatever reason. He looks old. Maybe I should show him where I put them. Cheer him up. Nah. I want baby chicks so I'm sticking to my plan. It's not my job to make him happy. Maybe his neighbor can make him happy. His wife is always touching beaks with the neighbor. He must be a good man. Who knows. I don't really understand anything they do, those fucking humans. And all I want is to take a nap. But maybe I should lay another egg first.


Thursday, September 27, 2018

The flash fiction of Martin Dean: Honk, honk, Gandhi, and who am I?


Mother told me yesterday that my first given name is Martin. Dean is my middle. Fanning is my last. I am not Dean Martin. I am Martin Dean and it does not just roll down the tongue like my preferred name that I grew up with. It does not roll! I am having an identity crisis. This guy behind me is now honking. It’s the rush hour after work and the traffic chaos is full blown. I am helping reduce the clog by letting a few cars cut in and drive in the opposite direction. I am being a friendly driver, a good citizen and pollution minimizer whereas the guy behind me is a traffic asshole who keeps honking so I would move my car’s ass so that his car’s ass can sit among the stagnant group of cars ten feet closer to the traffic light that is showing red. He started honking after the second car. After the third, his honking got madder and easily translatable to our human language. I understand honkish and I know that he is saying some nasty stuff. I get out of my car and yell at him. He stops and looks away. I probably look crazy. I get back in my car and pull away. I am not a violent person and I avoid conflict as much as possible. I help clear the traffic jam. I wear a shirt with Gandhi’s face on it but I can be pretty intimidating. Also, there are grown people who don’t even know who Gandhi is. That’s the kind of world we live in. Martin Dean. What a shitty name. It’s like going from the Rat Pack to the Pack Rat. A humiliating identity demotion. But I am now riding a green wave, so that’s good.

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

The flash fiction of Dean Martin: Underpinnings


Sometimes I wonder if (the) Dean Martin ever went shopping – like for himself and on his own. Well, I don’t really wonder about it – it’s just a thought that crossed my mind today when I went to the mall in search of new and clean underwear. I saw a pretty girl at the store. She was buying boxers for her – it’s safe to assume – boyfriend or such. I envy those guys who have girlfriends to buy them stuff like socks and boxers. I mean, that’s one of the reasons I envy them – there are others, too. I spent one hour and 38 dollars at the mall. All on underpinnings. It’s more than I had planned in both time and money but I chanced upon some Globetrotters boxers and a Wonder Woman undershirt that I had to have. It was from a small boutique shop next to Gap. While I was trotting home, I wondered how the hell is that Gap store still in business.

The Flash Fiction of Dean Martin: The Question



Even though the weather was perfect for sleeping, Dean Martin woke up with one of the big questions about human existence. What is the purpose of life? Dean Martin is not a philosopher and he didn’t look for that question. And he didn’t want it. It seemed to have squatted somewhere deep in his mind, in a corner he didn’t know existed, and then pounced on him the moment he woke up. The rain was tapping on the window by his bed and he wasn’t in the mood to look for answers but the question insisted: what is the purpose, what is the purpose? Dean Martin was cornered in his bed. Is it to – as the Bard said – find your gift and give it away? What if the only gift to find is some plastic junk toy under a Christmas tree? Does everybody have a gift? What if they don’t? What if they just spend their entire lives looking for something that’s not there? What do you give away if you don’t have a gift? What if I don’t have any gifts, thought Dean? Or maybe there is some other purpose – like to get married, reproduce, help your kids secure incredible amounts of education money they will then have to work their entire lives to pay back? What is the purpose of life, Dean, what is it?! Fuck, I don’t know, thought Dean and got up to fix some coffee.

Franks and Deans and Peggy Sue




My name is Dean Martin. Not ‘the’ Dean Martin. Just a random guy who has the name but not the voice.

I don’t want anything. And I think that’s my trick to happiness.

I trained myself to believe and live by that maxim when I was just out of college and landed a good job that was promising a long and successful career. And my girlfriend Peggy Sue and I were planning to join each other in marriage that was also promising to be long and successful just like the one my parents had. It sounded like a good life to me and I was ready. I was young but mature enough to be ready. The night before our wedding, my best friend Harry threw me a moderately wild bachelor party which I ditched around midnight to go see my future bride. I was tipsy and was hoping to get a little action from her. When I got to her place, she was fucking her neighbor Frank who got so scared when he saw me that he stood straight in front of me, naked, quiet and petrified, for about ten seconds before he crashed to the wooden floor and died of a heart attack. To this day, all I remember about him is how he stood naked before me and even though I looked, I couldn’t see the tiniest bit of his male instrument – that’s how fat Frank was. That’s to say to people that no matter what your shape or size, there is somebody who will like it. I never got married to Peggy Sue. We broke up that night and she quickly moved on with some guy called Buddy. And I wasn’t mature as I thought I was – I was only foolish. And for a long time I partially blamed myself for Frank’s demise. If only I had not walked in on them. If Peggy Sue had not been my fiancee. He wouldn’t get scared. And the irony is – I am not some big scary guy. So maybe Frank was a decent chap who died of shame when I appeared. Or maybe he was too big of a coward. But then brave enough to make a naked move on my girl. People puzzle me. And by ‘male instrument’ I meant dick.